I find it especially difficult to find real information on real families like ours, with both adopted and biological children, where communication beyond counseling "go to's" and politically correct terminology is occurring. I find it extremely exhausting to continually find myself either reading of one side of the dynamics, or the other, but rarely find genuine information of realities of adoptive and biological worlds collide, especially when the adopted children are broken from their pre-adoption backgrounds. It is a different world altogether and what I deal with every single day. And though I do feel isolated much of the time, in what we are going through, I know I am not the only mom in this situation. Others are walking this difficult path as well. And we need each other!
I am raising both biological and adopted children and the experiences with them seem to point to the reality that pre-adoption issues carry over very strongly and rear their heads in the adolescent years in extreme force and it is a balancing act every day to try to cope with those issues while maintaining the normalcy for the ones that are not from that and don't deserve to experience the devastation's brought through it. It is completely maddening at times. People are afraid to admit it, but this blog, will be a place where the truth, the real, ugly, hurting truth is in the forefront!
Before I go too deep today, as we are just beginning, I found this article when I was surfing, as I do often, for more information. More help. More direction in a sometimes very dark tunnel. It's a pretty good read so I thought I would share it as a starting point for us to see what's out there verses what we are living. Check it out and then leave me your comments on your opinions and additions to what you read.
What I will add.... none of these articles have addressed the issues I am dealing with, to the depth I am dealing with them. I will share more of my story soon. Until then, read the article titled, Parenting the Adopted Adolescent, by Gloria Hochman and Anna Huston at the following link: http://www.athealth.com/consumer/disorders/adoptedteen.html . Then leave me comments and let me hear your thoughts.
It is so difficult to balance it all sometimes. I love all of my children from the bottom of my heart. I tell them all, some were born from my womb, some came in a Grey Jeep Cherokee delivery, but all were born straight out of my heart. But the road is painful and difficult and I was not/am not prepared for the journey. I am learning as I go... and just trying to survive. Some days I just don't know if I can take another day.
It is on those days that I close my eyes and slip back in time to the days when it didn't matter who was adopted and who was not because we were just enjoying our life as a family. I escape to the "good ol' days" when they were past their difficult start and fully blended into our family, so much so that people would say,"Now, which ones are adopted?" I would find such deep satisfaction in saying, "I don't know. You tell me!"
Those years are cherished memories that I have to hold to because the teen years have been relentless with those adopted children. This article certainly highlights some of the facts, but it leaves off the severity of the pain. Oh, the pain runs so very deep and sadly, the more my adopted children reveal their scars, it becomes, to my dismay, more and more obvious who it is that is adopted.
And it hurts.
Who understands this?